Tobi and The Killer Green Fluff

 Once there was a loyal and valiant dog.  He was strong and lean with sleek, black fur and a long tail.  He was vigilant and dedicated.  Tobi held the high honors of Protector of House and Keeper of Treasure. Tobi's appointment was the most important in the House.  There was Feeder of Food and Thrower of Frisbee also Maker of Dirty Diapers--all very important, but Tobi knew (though he would never admit it so as not to make the others feel bad) that HIS was the most important job.
Tobi performed his duties willingly and thoroughly.  His favorite job was Protector of House.  Each morning, after the Persian blinds were raised, he would assume his post at the wide, glass balcony door and watch as the people of Lucrino went about their business.
Now, Tobi had heard that the people of Lucrino had many faces.  At times they could be friendly and generous but they could also be devious thieves.  He had his beloved people and the addition of a new baby to protect.  He made sure to scare away all people who came too close.
Tobi, in his infinite doggy wisdom, had decided that it was safer and perhaps more effective to just scare ALL passersby away instead of wasting time discerning their motives.
Tobi made a spy hole in the screening that covered the garden gate. Then with hackles raised and voice booming he would ambush the unsuspecting pedestrians. Truly dedicated and willing to go the extra mile for his people, Tobi would follow the now terrified passersby up to the edge of the balcony--leaping over the step in between and finally, front feet up on the railing he would shout warnings to their backs (now on the opposite side of the street) to always be wary, Tobi was on watch!  
It was a State Secret that Tobi had one more job.  It was Killer of Killer Green Fluff!  He knew that this fluffly, scrunchy, green matter lurked on the inside of most of his soft toys.  Tobi was not sure why his People kept on bringing Green Fluff into the house but they did.  (He loved his People, even though they were pretty dense sometimes.)
 Each time that Tobi detected fluff inside one of his beds or his toys, he would begin the process of planning its demise.
You see, Green Fluff is a devious matter.  It lurks deep inside a doggy bed collecting all the lovely scents, providing warmth and comfort until one day it will snap and...Tobi never was sure what it would actually do, but he was sure it was something bad!
Tobi would pretend to love the Fluff.  For weeks he would pretend that he didn't know the hidden dangers.  He would occasionally thrash and throw the dog bed about as he gathered important intelligence about it.  Then one day, totally unsuspected by the Fluff (or his People) he would make his move.  

REPORT: This morning, after nearly nine months of gathering intelligence on the Killer Green Fluff in his dog bed, Tobi made his move.

Killer Green Fluff conquered once more! and the home front is safe... for now.  He has noticed some mysterious noises coming from that canvas duck...

If the dog vomits under the bed...

and nobody sees him eat it...

65+ pounds of energy and love

Last night we were all piled into bed.  I was in Mommy Sleep (do I need to define this?) Jack was dead asleep.  It was the middle of the night and Tobi, our big, black, rescue Lab began to cough something up under the bed.  I am not sure if Jack was awake.  I think that he must have heard it -I mean it is hard not to hear a 65+ pound dog do anything, especially vomit under the bed.
Both of us immediately began the first round of the silent, unspoken game of chicken that we play during the darkest hours of the night.  When Baby Bee was still pooping in the middle of the night, it was Diaper Chicken.  When Tobi was still puppy enough to need to go out in the middle of the night it was Puppy Chicken.  Now, it has reverted to Dog Vomit Chicken.  The rules?  Basically, who can pretend to have slept through said offensive noise longest.  I have to say, my neurotic tendencies make me a weak player.  Jack can sleep through pretty much anything. Seriously, the guy regularly slept through mortar attacks when he was in Iraq.
Poor Tobi.
Pre-Baby I would have leaped out of bed and stuck my nose way too close to whatever had just been purged to determine what it was and if my dear furry baby was OK.  I would have cleaned it up in the dark and spent a couple of minutes petting his troubled tummy.  Then, getting back into bed I would have worried about the possible implications of what he had eaten.
Bring on Childbirth and Motherhood.
Last night Dog Vomit Chicken ended without a winner or a loser.  We both stayed in bed.  I was awake and listening.  When I heard telltale lapping sounds.  I rolled over and went back to sleep.  Thanks for taking one for the team, Tobes.
Poor Tobi.  I figured A: if he threw up again I would check it out and B: if it was still on the floor in the morning- please not on my slippers--I would see the offending piece of foreign substance he had ingested and we'd go from there.  Poor Tobi.

This morning there was nothing there.  And Tobi appears as chipper as ever.